Monday, September 22

Even though you hate to think about it...

Mike and I have an appt Wednesday to see a lawyer about our wills. The most pressing issue of course is guardianship for the kids. We are in a dilemma. All of our parents, while we love them dearly, will be at least 75 when our kids are able to be on their own, especially if we have any more. I just don't think raising kids at that age is a burden we need to put on them. Plus you never know when a health issue will arise. So we are thinking they should not be our first choice.

Stacy is the only one of our siblings who is at a place to even raise children. So she is one choice. Mike's godparents are friends of their family. So he was asking about considering our friends too. It's just a lot to ask people who are not blood-related to raise your children and still have your kids connected to their family. (BTW, I'm not asking for volunteers to raise our kids.)

Anyway, I just wanted to put it out there. If any of you have made these kinds of decisions, how did you decide? What were the factors that influenced your decision?

7 comments:

Nikki said...

Oh, man. We've thought through these same issues over and over. Its especially hard when you want to have three or four kids. Obviously you want them to stay together, so how do you ask someone (especially someone who has kids of their own) to take on three or four more kids? I think we've decided to leave them with my mom (only because my mom is almost 20 years younger than Jason's parents.. and we agree that it's so unfair to burden anyone, especially the older they get). But that's not even really finalized yet. We need to do our will too. We've been saying that for almost three years now. :S Good luck!

Tiffanyrose said...

Brandon and I have talked about this issue and the one thing we both feel very strongly about is, finding a person or family that will raise them as we would want them raised. We are lucky enough to have sibling but not all of our siblings hold the same values we do. For us, it would probably be one of our siblings that do though.

Keri Donald said...

We're in the same boat with tiffany. We've actually got our wills all written up through legalzoom, but haven't finalized them yet so we've had these discussions, but nothing has been made official. Like Tiffany, we wanted someone who would not only love the kids and take them in, but would also raise them with the same values that we hope to instill in our children. We have already talked with Keith's sister and asked her and her husband if they would agree to take the kids if it ever came to that. They discussed it (as they should, because it's not like keeping a cat for you for the weekend or something) and decided to accept the responsibility.

Like you mentioned, I think one of the hardest things about not raising your children yourself would be keeping them exposed to both sides of the family. That would probably be even harder if the person (or people) raising your children wasn't a part of either family. That said, if the people/person that you chose is truly dedicated to your children and respecting your wishes, they will find a way to make it work.

Ugh... not a fun decision to have to think about, but you're right, you just do.

The Ayers Family said...

We went through the same thing a couple years ago doing our wills and figuring out life insurance stuff. We chose my youngest sister and her husband since they don't yet have their own children. It wasn't a hard decision for us, but it's a hard thing to ask of them. We also upped our life insurance policies so that there would be no question as to the ability for someone else to take on the financial responsibilities that come with raising kids.

Rhiannon said...

We just did our life insurance this week. Next on our list is the wills. We will definitely be leaving Ty and any other kids we have with my mom. If she gets too old to provide proper care to them then I am not sure who would be next in line. Obviously, none of Dave's family. But, at this point, my sister is crazy and I do not want my brother's wife raising my children. Hopefully, it will never come to that and we all get to raise our own kids!

Kelly in NC said...

Oooo Good topic today! It was challenging for us as well. I agree with you about the age of our parents and not wanting to burden them with kids. Plus as grandparents- aren't you suppose to let the grandkids get away with stuff?? That couldn't be good long term. In the end, we considered who would 1) be willing to take our kid and 2) would raise him with the same discipline and morals that we have. I think that in our family we are pretty lucky. There are a few siblings who meet that criteria.
Good luck with your decision.

Arielle said...

A sibling is always a great choice when a parent is too elderly. My god-daughter, Skylar, and her sister Ashlyn, will go to Liz's sister. If she's unable, then they go to me. Liz & David have enough life insurance to cover their kids' needs if one of us becomes their guardian.

As long as you have enough life insurance to cover their living expenses and college, it's really not that much of a burden... it becomes an honor to the person you choose - that you chose them with your most valued treasures!