Tuesday, June 10

Q & A #12

Here's the question I referenced yesterday. Describe your relationship with your parents during your teen years. Was it more harmonious or more harmful? What do you think your parents did that was successful during that time? What absolutely did not work? Try to look at it from your current perspective, not from your teenage perspective.

I have already described my parental relationship in a previous post. It was pretty far from harmonious. There were good times too though. It wasn't as bad as it could have been. I was loved, no doubt about that.

Successful - forcing family time on me. They may have overdone it a bit, but I have enough fond memories of family time that I think it will be something I expect from my teenagers also.

Did not work - being outrageously strict, being wishy-washy on rules, forcing babysitting on me without asking or compensation, making me do MANY chores but not my sisters, not allowing me to have my say


Rhiannon said...

We had a very harmonious relationship. I was a pretty ideal teenager from a parent's point of view, lol. No sneaking out, no boys (not until my senior year), no drinking, no smoking and no drugs. School was important to me. Yeah, I was a pretty lame teenager! The only fights I can remember were between me and my sister, I don't know that I have ever been in an argument with my mom. Now Chuck (my ex-stepdad) on the other hand is a different story. But he was (still is) a delusional alcoholic, so he had is fair share of arguments with everyone! At least he was passed out for most of my teen years. But, he was a pretty good guy when he was sober. We did lots of family stuff together and I always enjoyed it.

I think what worked with my mom's upbringing was the level of respect and the trust we had for each other. I didn't want to drink or smoke or sneak out or make bad grades because I didn't want to disappoint her. I never wanted to break that trust she had for me.

I also think a big part of the way I was when I was a teen was because of my little brother. Austin was born when I was in 7th grade. I was like his second mother. I would watch him all summer. We have a really strong bond now which I love. This is a great question because my mom wonders this all the time. How she raised 4 of us basically the same way but we all turned out so differently. I guess not only does parenting fall into it but also the child's personality. I also think child order comes into play. Like for the longest time I was the middle child. Then my brother stayed with my dad and all the sudden I was the oldest. It's all very interesting! Judging from Ty's personality right now, hopefully he should be a pretty laid back dude!

Nikki said...

My relationship with my parents was pretty harmonious. I think it helped a lot that my relationship with my brother was extremely positive. We were friends and kept each other company instead of fighting with each other. Unfortunately, I think we were like this because we were thrown into some unfair situations at a young age and we had no one but each other to complain to and get through it with. I definitely don't want that for my kids, but I do hope by some miracle I end up with siblings who actually enjoy each other.

Much like Rhiannon, we had a younger sister born when we were in middle school, and we loved her so much and got so much pleasure out of watching her grow, so that probably helped too.

My relationship with my dad wasn't that great. We loved and respected each other and we never fought, but we also kind of just ignored each other. I never really felt comfortable sharing anything with him, and it makes me sad that we weren't closer.

My relationship with my mom was much better. She really gave us a lot of freedom and trust, but in a responsible way. One thing that stands out about the way my mom raised us.. she made a point to know our friends. She felt more comfortable when she knew who we were hanging out with, and often liked to know our friends' parents too. This kinda stunk with a few friends when it turned out she didn't like them or their parents, but it's funny how she was right and over the years, those are the friends that I lost touch with first. The friends my mom liked and encouraged us to spend time with are the same friends I'm still close to now. Without a doubt, I will make a point to be involved in my kids' lives and encourage them to have parties and sleepovers and fun activities at our house.

Jacqueline said...

My relationship with my parents during the teen years was pretty harmful. Our family was focused on their work all the time. Between their 2 jobs and my dad building houses on the side; it was a 24/7 job for my brother and I. They were also really focused on trying to make my brother into the 'popular' kid at school. So he got the new car and they were really focused on his extracurricular activities. It was very different for me. They also had a tendency to lie a lot to me instead of explaining things. Today, I am not as trusting of people. Plus, I am constantly searching for acceptance.

What did work was that they taught me work ethics. They provided me with nice clothes and what I needed. They didn't spoil me, but it was comfortable. Plus, my mom would work so hard and she would still have a huge homecooked dinner every night. Today, I am amazed at how they did it all.

My mom and I have our moments now when we disagree. We are very different people.

My dad and I never really had a relationship until about 5 years ago. He actually became my best friend. We would talk about every other day. This year we haven't talked on the phone except when I am trying to get my mom. He is going through some health issues and is very depressed. During this time, he has taken a lot of anger out on me. He has been put on some medication recently so hopefully he will get better soon.

Sorry my responses are so long.