Friday, May 30

Q & A #4

here's one for ya. How many kids did you/do you want to have (if any)? And why? And if you've had one or more already, has the total number you want to have changed? Why?

I have always wanted 4 kids. There were 3 of us growing up and I think odd numbers are tough. Someone is always left out either because of gender or the other two are closer (usually in age). It took Mike a bit to warm up to that idea, but by the time we were talking about actually having them, I noticed he was saying 4 also. Just after we had Leah, Mike said he wasn't sure he wanted anymore. Newborns are tough, as most of you know. :) By the time Leah was 18 months and grown out for the baby stage, Mike was ready for another.

Neither of us are saying 4 for sure anymore. We have decided to reevaluate after each child and see how we feel. It probably does make a difference that we have 2 girls and no boys. We would be more likely to stop now if we had one of each (not definitely, but more likely). We feel like we need to try for at least one boy. Also, just like Leah, as Erin gets older it becomes easier to say that we might want another one. I just don't know if we are going all the way to 4 still. i like the IDEA of it, just not sure about the details.

Funny story, I took my girls and Ian and Chase to Chick-fil-a by myself for dinner last night (I was babysitting). I decided that it's not having 4 kids that is tough, it is more than one baby. I do not want multiples. As long as I stair-step the kids' ages, I should be okay. :)

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have some great questions! I have never commented on your blog before and now I'm leaving tons of comments :)

My thoughts on kids has changed. I always thought I wanted 4 kids. I now have a boy (6 1/2) and a girl
(4 1/2). I'm so blessed to have one of each and would never change it! However, they are so... different and as they get older, I worry that they won't be as close as 2 boys or 2 girls. When Shelby was younger I still thought I'd have one more because I wanted her to have a sister or Brody to have a brother. Plus, we loved the idea of having more than 2 when they are older. The idea of having a big Christmas with lots of kids and grandkids is exciting.
Now that they are almost 5 and almost 7 I really don't have a desire to have anymore. I LOVED being pregnant (I know that's strange, but it's true). I felt great when I was pregnant and I miss the thought of not being able to experience that again. I love kids and love babies but we kind of feel like our family is complete now. Our life has finally settled down and we can do so much more with the kids now because it is so much easier! Plus, I get nervous that I won't have the time or energy to spread around for more than 2.
My advice to the ladies that have little ones: if you want more, have them before your other ones get too old because you might not want to go back to the baby stages once you see how much easier your life is :) That's just how it happened for us. I can't wait to read other responses.

Kathy

Tiffanyrose said...

6 kids ideally. If we get to 6 an feel there is another baby waiting for us then we will have more. And visa versa, if we get to a number lower than 6 and feel that our family is complete then it is. As you know I hav ethree that keep me on my toes. With every birth I get excitedforthe next member to join our family. There are times that I think "And I want more?!" (like Andy lighting the garbage oin fire and the whole drain incident) but at the end of the day I yearn for more.

Erica Lynn said...

Alright .. I think that because I wasn't ready to have kids when all my best friends and my sister had babies has left me in a strange position. Sean and I talk about having kids .. but the truth is, because we're around so many, we realize how much work they really are, and they make me really appreciate how much we enjoy personal time. And .. the training babies (the dogs) have also opened up our eyes to what an energy drain little ones can be (and they're just dogs!)

So .. to answer your question .. we've talked about having 1 .. maybe .. and its a while off. And this part is terrible .. but we fear that one child wont be healthy, or .. we'll end up with multiples. Strange things like that. Also, he wants a boy, I want a girl .. you know how it goes :P So we'll see what the future brings us .. but I don't expect to see any little ones (unless I'm babysitting) any time soon :)

Jacqueline said...

I love these Q & A post! Okay, I have always wanted 3 kids and of course I wanted a girl. SURPRISE - I ended up with 2 boys. But, I feel that I was meant to have boys. It really goes with my personality. I swear - if we try again - then we would have another boy. Right now I do not think we could even think about having another kid for several years. I have another year of school and I'm working full time. I feel like I don't get to spend as much time with Jack (2) as I did with Sam (7)when he was young. So if we had another one then I really would not get to spend much one on one time with him. After identifying Sam's challenges this year with school, I need to spend a lot of time helping him. I am struggling with managing two so I can help him. Last, by the time we would be ready for another child - Mark would be OLD. He is already 43.
So - you would need to ask yourself:
1.) How important is it to you to have both sexes?
2.)If one of your children needed extra attention due to school or a medical condition or whatever - do you think you could still give enough attention to all your kids.
3.) Consider your age - whatever - you 2 are young.

Nikki said...

Jason and I have always wanted 4, and its funny, but so far our experience with Halle has had an opposite effect on us than your experience with your girls. Halle was SUCH AN EASY BABY that I felt like I could easily have four Halles and life would be grand. Then she turned two. And she's still amazing and brings us tons of joy, of course, but she's much more difficult at two than she was before then. Maybe its the combination of being pregnant and having a two year old, but now more kids just sounds so exhausting.

Also, probably because I've been pregnant for almost 37 weeks now, I feel like I don't really want to be pregnant again for a long time. I want my old body back. I want to eat and drink what I want. I think part of that is because I've always got a nagging guilt in my head that I'm not exercising or eating as well as all the books and magazines say I should be, and I hate feeling guilty about stuff like that. Also, no matter how many maternity shirts and pants you have, after 37 weeks you are soooo tired of maternity clothes. I can't wait to wear normal clothes again.

But, unless Elena is a holy terror and probably even then, we will eventually try again for a boy. And I am still holding on to hope that we make it to four, but if we don't make it that far, I'm sure I'll be ok with that too.

I can't believe your friend Tiffany wants six! I'm sure there are people that feel that way about four kids, but anything more than four just sounds crazy! :)

Rachel-n-Ryan said...

Wow-I am amazed how many people want 4+ kids! I've yet to feel any sort of inkling for having a baby yet. The past two couples we know who recently gave birth had traumatic pregnancies/birthing experiences, which hasn't helped with my fear of pregnancy. Plus with school right now (and hopefully a job when I graduate), pregnancy is out of the picture for at least another two years.

I don't think I would want more than two children...for financial and personal reasons (I'm used to smaller households).

Brittany said...

I think I agree with the way you and Mike handle the situation. I definitely want one, and when that one comes, I'll decide whether to have another.

Jimmy wants to have a little army, but I'd be willing to bet that will change when he gets the first!

Chelsi said...

Growing up, I always thought I wanted two children. When Kyle and I first got married, we also thought two was a good number....fast forward to the present and my views have changed radically on this, because we struggled so long just to be parents!! I feel so blessed to finally have a child and am completely satisfied with have one boy.

stacy said...

i think we'll have 3...but that might change...=) yay for lots of cousins

Lisa said...

I always wanted 4 kids. I am the oldest of 3 and knew I did not want an odd number. Hubby on the other hand is an only child and saw no point in having more than 1. We compromised and decided on 2.

When they were younger, like yours, I would have had more in a heartbeat if hubby had changed his mind. But now that they are older, I am glad we only had 2. Things are easier with only 2, for us anyway. Besides, after #2 was born I had this totally overwhelming feeling that my family was complete. It was the strangest thing. We also have 2 daughters, but hubby did not show any strong desire to want a son, and I had always 2 daughters. I still, on occasion, wonder what it would have been like to have more, but then I remember how easy life is now with no diapers!

Rhiannon said...

I have always wanted 3 or 4. Dave on the other hand only wants 1. So, we aren't saying a precise number. We will see what it's like with 2 first, if that ever freaking happens! I come from 4 and I love it. I love having a big family and being close with all my siblings. Dave isn't close with his siblings so he doesn't understand.

Mirdonamy said...

When I was little, I thought I wanted two kids; but, as I got older, I started to feel that time was so short and precious, and that I don't have enough of it to do the things that I really want to do. I also never feel like I have enough money or vacation time to travel to places I want to visit. My greatest fear is that I will grow old and be too unhealthy to travel and hike and see the world, so I want to do it now. Money and time prohibit that, and I feel that kids would too. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE children! I love playing with them, hanging out with them and seeing all these smiling faces on the daily blog feed; but, I just can't imagine having my own. I think a true mother needs to "want" kids to be a good mom. All of you really want kids. I envy that and love that about you! For me, I don't want them, and know that means I should not have them. I want to visit my friends and their kids. I know how amazing and special they are. I love watching them grow up and learn new things.

Sometimes, I feel like I may regret now experiencing that, but I also know I am too selfish when it comes to my time to give a child all he or she deserves. I don't know if that will ever change. I'm 30 and still have no desire to raise children of my own. My cats cost me so much with their kidney failure, and I'd turn the world upside down for them... I know what it is to love someone / thing so much that you would die to protect them! I just also know I can leave the cats for the night without too much worry and can sleep in whenever I want to.

What's also funny is I feel like I always have to defend myself about not wanting kids, even though I know that my friends won't judge me. I get asked, "why not?!" all the time by strangers, in very negative tones. I wonder if it will ever be acceptable to not want kids of your own. I guess parents just want their friends to feel the joy and love they feel by raising kids... it's really an act of wishing good things for their friends, not a form of judgment at all really. Still, I just always feel bad saying "i don't want kids of my own."

If I ever change my mind, you will all be the first to know!

Love,
Arie

Mike said...

i am happy with what we have. I agree the idea of 4 is good, but the reality...4 colleges, 4 weddings, 4 drivers licenses, 4 SATs, 4 soccer/ballet/skating/gymnastics/baseball, whatever....OI VEY!

Although 4 would make us a basketball team or a band. Drums, guitar, bass, keyboard, vocal, and you can be the manager.

Kelly in NC said...

I have always petitioned for even numbers either 2 or 4. I also grew up in a family with 3 kids and you are right-someone is ALWAYS left out! Anyhow- since we only have Grayson that means that we will soon have to start working on baby #2. Once that one is here- we'll make a decision about continuing of stopping!

The Ayers Family said...

I feel like the odd-ball... I am the oldest of 6, Chris is 3rd in a yours, mine, ours~11! I really, really, really enjoyed having two sisters and three brothers. There was always someone to hang out with and life was never boring. I can honestly say that I never felt left out or forgotten and my needs, both emotional and physical, were always met. I don't believe Chris had as great as an experience. When I was younger-like under 14- I thought I'd have lots of kids too. It's funny how after being pregnant and delivering twice I am not 100% sure I want to do it again. I would like more kids, but I think there's an easier way to expand a family-like through adoption... so my final answer is: I might get talked into trying for number three, and then after a few years we'd look into adopting non-infants.