Saturday, February 16

I feel different

Okay, all my friends out there with two or more kids, I need to know something. How are your feelings different, if at all, with the second and subsequent children? It's hard for me to put it into words. I am going to try.

I know I always loved Leah from the minute she was born. But I don't remember feeling it this intensely. When I look at Erin and snuggle her, I am overwhelmed by my feelings for her. I literally can't. get. enough of her. What is it about this time around that makes it so much MORE? Not that I am saying I love her more than Leah. It's just that the experience is more.

Maybe we are lacking the fear of first-time parents this time around. Maybe the confidence allows more of the joy in. Maybe it's due to Erin and her personality. Unless she is sick or super-overtired, she never stops smiling her big-mouth grin. But Leah smiled a lot too and was almost always happy. I just don't know what it is.

Anyone else out there have a similar story? Or am I just crazy? :)


Tiffanyrose said...

You are not crazy at all. This is what my thoughts are on the matter. Th first child is a huge adjustment in of itself. It is wonderful and ecxiting but a little frightening becuase you have never gone through anything like this before. You look forward to what each new day, month or year may bring. Once that time has passed you realize just how quickly it does passs. With the second child you are a bit more confident in your mothering skills and you have learned to appreciate the smal things because they will never be this age again. With Kenna I feel like I almost wished away the first year of her life. I wished she were rolling, I wished she were crawling, I wished she were smiling, I wished she were talking. With Andy I just wished that she would stay little forever so I could hold her and snuggle her like that forever. I hope that it makes sense because I know exacttly what you are feeling. It gets even stronger with the thrd one!

Kristen said...

I obviously don't know yet, but I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed your post because I've been worried about having a second child ("Is there any way possible to love another one THIS much?"). So, thanks! :)

Keri Donald said...

It's funny that you say this, because I actually felt the opposite. I felt SOO totally close to Annabelle from the second that I first saw her (actually, from the second that I first felt her), but with Corgan I think I felt like I was cheating Annabelle out of my time by adding someone to our family who was going to be competing for the 100% attention that she had been getting. I think part of that had to do with them being so close in age and me not feeling ready to handle 2 babies (especially with the fireball that I already knew Annabelle is), and although I loved/love Corgan I felt guilty for loving him like I was cheating on Annabelle. Remember that poem you posted when Erin & Corgan were first born, that says it EXACTLY how I feel.

Now I love both of them SOOO much and I can't imagine life without my little Corgan! He is a super happy baby too, but even if he wasn't, I'm sure I'd love him just the same. Like tiffanyrose said in her comment, I was always waiting for the next milestone with Annabelle, but I think I was paying more attention to the milestones with her too. I was always working with her to accomplish that next milestone, and even though they seem to have come and gone in the blink of an eye, I focused on them much more than I feel like I focus on Corgan's. I know a big part of that is that it isn't new and as exciting anymore, but also because there's another kid around competing for my attention so I don't think to try things with him as much. I can DEFINITELY see how the whole birth-order thing comes into play in affecting a persons personality now more than ever.

Also, I'm sure that when my last child comes around, it'll probably be more like it was with Annabelle (or maybe even stronger) because I'll know that he/she is my last chance to experience these things as a mom so I'll cherish them that much more AND I'll have the experience to know now to freak out about things so I won't be dealing with that at the same time.

Good post. :)

Keri Donald said...

BTW, I'd love to hear how Mike weighs in on this. :)

I think Keith probably felt/feels similar to how I felt/feel but for different reasons. Being a man, he likes to be able to play with his kids and isn't quite as into the cuddling and stuff, so I'm guessing that he has felt closer to Annabelle because he can interact with her more, but that's starting to change now that Corgan is starting to play. This is just my guess though... I'd have to ask him. :)

Grace said...

I agree Tiffany. I sometimes feel guilty because I am enjoying Avery so much more than I did with the boys. Yes, it does have to do with her being my first girl. But allot of it has to do with me knowing whats to come in the months ahead. I just want to embrace her being a baby for as long as I can. I could type more and more on this topic..but the only advice I have is just wait till you have your last baby!!

Anonymous said...

I think with your second child it's - on some levels - easier. At least there's less anxiety about certain things. Also, I know with us that Tucker is likely our second and our last - we don't plan on more - so there's the knowledge that "this is it" and I know that the baby (now toddler, eek) stage goes by so fast. Also, Jackson is 3 and has some 'tude and there's the enjoyment in the fact that Tucker doesn't talk back or anything...yet.

I love both boys more than I can imagine....and my relationship with Jackson as the oldest is special, as well as with Tucker as the youngest...but I get what you mean.

JujuBoo said...

I understand what you are saying. I love both my girls with all my heart. But with Ally, my youngest, it is different sometimes. I think it comes from the fact that with #2 you are more relaxed as a mom, you know more of what to expect, you can let things go and have more fun. For me, I knew that I was going to have 2 kids. I loved the experience of being a first time mom and I reveled in it. But I also knew that I was going to have another one. The when #2 came, I knew she was my last one. I wanted it to drag on forever. She is definitly my 'baby', even tho she is 6 now. She is my cuddly one, and she has been a lover from the start. I love both my girls equally but in different ways. I read in article in either Redbook or Parenting that talked about how as parents we have different connections to each of our children and usually one of them is sometimes our 'sole mate' and we connect with them on a deeper level. Before having children I would of never understood that. Now I do.

Todd said...

I can't believe you just said you loved your youngest kid more. That's so messed up. :)