My Book Tour Responses

Why was Lily so forgiving of Snow Flower and her betrayal, yet so angry with
her family and Madame Wang? Isn't the betrayal the same? Why are we so
forgiving of friends but not of family members?

It seems like Lily was just going along with Madame Wang and trying to save herself in the beginning of her relationship with Snow Flower. Lily would do anything to make Snow Flower trust her and develop that "old same" relationship to further her own future. I can totally understand how betrayed Snow Flower must have felt when she found out the truth. I personally would have been more angry with Lily at that point. Lily should have had the trust and courage to own up to everything with Snow Flower as soon as their friendship deepened into that "old same" relationship. Snow Flower's mother and Madame Wang were just playing the cards dealt to them as women in that society. I thought the anger was misplaced on Snow Flower's part.

How do you feel about the concept of "old sames" (being in an arranged
friendship)? Were you surprised at the way it turned out for Lily and Snow
Flower? Have you found yourself in a "sisterhood" kind of friendship
throughout your life? How was it able to last through all of the changes you
have gone through in your life?

I have a hard time time with the concept of arranged friendships, only in the sense that they force you into a lifelong commitment as with an arranged marriage. But in any society that values it the way their society did, no one would think twice about it. As for friendships that span many parts of your life, I think in today's world, it gets more and more difficult to hold on to those. People travel and move away from home more often nowadays. Even with all the communications technology, nothing beats actually being present in a friend's life. In spite of all the friendships I have accumulated throughout all of my many stages of life, I don't believe I have that one that has spanned them all. I have drifted in and out of deep relationships at different points with people who are traveling with me. I would love for one or more of those to last and move forward with me into the rest of my life.